It’s A Book Thing Presents: An Interview with Diane Papalia Zappa, author of The Married Widow: My Journey with Bob Zappa

Author’s Bio: Diane Papalia Zappa grew up in Fort Lee, NJ, a suburb of New York City. She graduated from Vassar College in 1968 with a degree in psychology. She received her MS from West Virginia University in child development and family relations in 1970 and, in 1971, earned her PhD from WVU in life-span developmental psychology.  In 1971, she joined the faculty of University of Wisconsin-Madison, attaining the rank of full Professor at the age of 30. While there, she, and co-author Sally Wendkos Olds, wrote A Child’s World (now in its 13th edition) and Human Development (in its 14th edition).  

In 1986, while still a professor in Madison, she met Frank Zappa’s younger brother, Bob, who was the marketing manager for one of her books. They married in 2015. She was 68 and Bob was 72.  Sadly, Diane was widowed in 2018.  The Married Widow, describes how their relationship endured for the more than three decades since they met and continued after his passing. It is their love story.  

Deliah Lawrence: What inspired you to write your book?

Diane Papalia Zappa: When my husband passed away in December 2018, I was devastated. I wrote to preserve my memories before they began to fade. I hadn’t plan to publish my memoir. I only wanted to share Bob and my story with my daughter and a few close friends. In August 2020, though, I learned about a new publishing company, Bold Story Press. Its founder, Emily Barrosse, was looking to evaluate manuscripts written by women. I told her about what I had written. She loved the manuscript, offered me a contract, and The Married Widow was published in July 2021.  

DL: Tell us about your writing process?

DPZ: I remember back in school being told “think before you write.” I follow that guideline now. I spend a lot of time mulling things over in my mind before I put pen to paper. So, when I sit down to write, the actual words come quite easily.  

DL: If you could choose a superpower, what would it be and why?

DPZ: I would choose the ability to travel between dimensions at will. Then I could visit my husband and loved ones in heaven and my loved ones on earth whenever the “spirit” moved me. 

DL: If you were hosting a dinner party, what three authors would be your dream guests, and why?

DPZ: I’d invite Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Raymond Moody and Matt Fraser. Kübler-Ross wrote the pioneering book On Death and Dying in 1970. Originally published in 1975, Moody wrote the groundbreaking book on near death experiences, Life after Life, that confirms there is life after death. And in 2020, Matt Fraser published When Heaven Calls about his experiences as a psychic medium. I’d like to see what common ground they may have, how their thinking may have evolved over the years, and where they might differ. (By the way, I had a reading from Matt in 2020 that could only be described as life-changing in the messages I received.)  

DL:  What tips would you give to aspiring writers?

DPZ: I’d tell them to write about what they know. And I’d share advice that was given to me many years ago: Don’t write for the money; that may or may not come. Write because you have something to say!  

DL: What do you like to do when you’re not writing?

DPZ: I love to hang out with my 35-year-old daughter, Anna. I like to have dinner with close friends. On occasion, I like to throw big parties. And I enjoy working on The New York Times crossword puzzles and playing Words with Friends.

DL: If you had to describe yourself in three words, what would they be?

DPZ: Determined, dependable, and most of all, resilient. In the words of Albert Camus, “In the midst of winter, I have found there was within me an invincible summer.” 

DL: Would you like to share an excerpt from The Married Widow?

DPZ: Sure. Here you go:

Epilogue: Reflections on love, loss, and the afterlife: 

What have I learned in my decades-long journey with Bob Zappa, a journey that continues to this day? 

I have learned that unconditional love is real, rare, and is a gift we gave to each other. And I have learned there are true soulmates who are so intimately connected they extend each other’s reach into the world. When I would tease Bob and ask, “Besides being Italian, what do we have in common?”  he would look at me and say, in all seriousness, “We are one person.” … And I learned that “love at first sight” happens and is powerful. Sometimes you just know.   

I have also learned that grief is a long and difficult process. A widowed friend described she felt a “softening” in her responses as time went on.  And that is true for me, too. But some days are still, two years later, more poignant than others. Grief, after all, is love with no place to go. But it has helped to have friends who comfort me and talk with me about my memories of my life with Bob. And I enjoy the many photos I have of our time together. Talking with friends, looking at pictures of happier days, and writing this memoir have brought me peace.  

And, finally, I’ve learned the afterlife is real. I feel Bob’s presence, hear his sounds, and know he is watching over me always. I’ve learned we are spiritual beings having an earthly experience.  And I am sure that when it is my time, Bob will come for me and bring me home. 

DL: What are three things you can’t live without?

DPZ: Aside from the obvious (air, food, water), I can’t live without my loved ones, peace of mind, and my memories.  

DL: What new projects are you currently working on?

DPZ: After Bob passed away, I began a series of “Dear Bobby” letters meant to keep our connection going. In them I give glimpses into our relationship, describe things I miss, and let him know how I’m doing after he passed. These are on my blog. 

For more information, see https://themarriedwidow744970091.wordpress.com/ or follow me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/themarriedwidow.  You can purchase The Married Widow at https://www.amazon.com/Married-Widow-Journey-Bob-Zappa/dp/1954805020/. 

DL: Thanks so much for being here with us today. I know my readers will enjoy getting to know you and your work. 

DPZ: Thanks for having me!