It’s A Book Thing Presents: An Interview with Diane Papalia Zappa, author of Dear Bobby: My Grief Journey

Author’s Bio: Diane Papalia Zappa grew up in Fort Lee, NJ. She graduated from Vassar College in 1968. She earned an MS in Child Development and Family Relations and a PhD in Life-Span Developmental Psychology from West Virginia University in 1970 and 1971, respectively.

She then joined the faculty of the Department of Child and Family Studies at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, attaining the rank of full professor at age 30. While there she and co-author Sally Olds wrote A Child’s World (in its thirteenth edition) and Human Development (in its fifteenth edition). 

While at Wisconsin she met Frank Zappa’s younger brother Bob, who was the marketing manager for one of her textbooks. They married in 2015. 

Her first memoir, The Married Widow: My Journey with Bob Zappa, describes their relationship since meeting in 1986. Dear Bobby describes how she handled her grief after he died in 2018. 

Deliah Lawrence: What inspired you to write your book?

Diane Papalia Zappa: This book, Dear Bobby: My Grief Journey, was inspired by reactions to my debut memoir, The Married Widow. Many widows told me that they found that book helpful in coping with the loss of a spouse or partner. So Dear Bobby was a natural outgrowth. In it I talk about what helped me cope, focusing on how writing letters to my late husband helped ease my pain. The centerpiece of this book is 26 of those letters.   

DL: How do you handle writer’s block?

DPZ: Before I actually sit down to write, I like to mull things over in my mind. This may take time, but when I actually begin to write, the words flow quite easily. By approaching my writing this way, writer’s block hasn’t been an issue. 

DL:  What were some of the challenges when writing this book?

DPZ: Writing the letters was a very emotional experience since in them I tell Bobby how I’m doing and reminisce about things and experiences we shared. Some brought me to tears and readers have told me the letters have brought them to tears as well.  

DL: What was the best writing advice you’ve ever been given?

DPZ: Write because you have something to say, never for the royalties. The money may or may not come but if you have a story to tell, let that be your motivation. 

DL: If you could choose a superpower, what would it be and why?

DPZ: I would choose dimension hopping: the ability to travel between different dimensions and universes. I’d love to be able to visit my husband in the afterlife and my family and friends on Earth! 

DL: If you were hosting a dinner party which three authors would be your dream guests and why?

DPZ: I would invite my late husband (who wrote Frankie and Bobby: Growing Up Zappa), his late brother musician Frank Zappa (who wrote The Real Frank Zappa Book), and psychic medium Matt Fraser (who wrote We Never Die: Secrets of the Afterlife). I had never met Frank and would love to see the brothers interact. Matt channeled Bob in a private reading a couple years ago. And, of course, I’d love to have another dinner with Bobby. 

DL: What are three fun facts about yourself?

DPZ: 1. I haven’t driven a car since 1989 when I moved to Manhattan. 2. Mac and cheese is my favorite comfort food. 3. British actor Martin Clunes (star of Doc Martin) was a friend of Bobby’s. He came over for a sushi dinner when he was filming in Manhattan.  

DL: Would you like to share an excerpt from Dear Bobby? 

DPZ: Sure: 

After Bob died, I began to write him letters…. In my "Dear Bobby" letters, I share with him memories of things we enjoyed together and explain how I'm doing. Writing to him allows our relationship to continue. It helps keep our love alive. Here are two letters: 

July 28, 2019

Dear Bobby,

So, I think this will be my new project. Writing to you as the spirit (so to speak) moves me. I really miss being with you, having dinner, cooking, joking around, the cocktail hour. The little things that make up a life together. I miss turning down the sheets with you before we go out. I miss you turning on the music before we would go to sleep. I haven't been able to do that since you passed away. I miss you asking me if I'm cold and then turning your back to me to warm me up. I miss checking if that solitary hair had grown back on your nose.

I simply miss vou.

Love,

Diane

 

May 22, 2021

Dear Bobby,

One of the things I remember most fondly is when we’d wake up together every morning, you right next to me. Before going to the kitchen to make your breakfast and my coffee, you’d hold me in your arms, brush my hair away from me face, and kiss me on the forehead. Then you’d murmur “Good morning, Mrs. Z.” It’s such a precious memory. And I miss it.

Love,

Diane 

DL: What new projects are you currently working on?

DPZ: I have a new website that covers both Dear Bobby and The Married Widow. I plan to blog there. I’d also love to write a third book, and I hope ideas will come after I see reactions to Dear Bobby. 

DL:  Where can readers learn more about you and purchase your book(s)? 

DPZ: Readers can get more information here:

• Website: dianepapaliazappa.com
• Amazon Author Page: Diane Papalia Zappa
• Facebook: https://www.Facebook.com/diane.papalia
• Instagram: dianezappa 

DL: Thanks so much for being here with us today. I know my readers will enjoy getting to know you and your work.

DPZ: Thank you!